1. Get off at exit 53, and take the Sagtikos Parkway going south to the ocean beaches
  2. in about 4 miles you will come to a fork in the road, bear right
  3. the Sagtikos Parkway will then blend into the Southern State Parkway going westbound
  4. stay on the Southern State Parkway and get off at exit 40 going south on the Robert Moses Causeway, heading toward the ocean beaches
  5. once you are on the Robert Moses Causeway keep driving south toward Robert Moses State Park - do not take any exits
  6. you will cross over two bridges and then the tall brick building known as the Pencil will come into view, with the Atlantic Ocean behind it
  7. enter the traffic circle at the tall brick pencil and exit at the 11 o’clock position, heading east to parking Field 5, which is about a mile away (watch out: the speed limit is 35 mph – keep one eye out for the deer crossing the road, and another eye out for the cops – the traffic tickets here are given out like candy)
  8. after you enter the parking lot at Field 5 and pay the parking fee, find a place to park as far to the east as possible.
  9. When you get out of your car with all your beach goodies, walk straight ahead to the beach, turn left to go east, and in about 5 minutes you will enter Lighthouse Beach West, the first of the nude beaches. There is a large two posted sign from the National Park Service in the sand advising everyone that they are entering a clothing optional area. If you happen to miss the sign, just ask any of the nudists where the nude beach area is located and they will be happy to tell you.
  10. When you land a spot on the beach that’s right for you that is not intruding on anyone else’s space, procedd to take off your clothes and let the fresh air and sunshine do its magic.
  1. Get off at exit 44 and take the Sagtikos Parkway heading south
  2. In about 5 miles or so you will come to a fork in the road, bear right
  3. Follow steps 3-10 above
  1. Get off at exit 40 and take the Robert Moses Causeway heading south toward the Ocean Beaches
  2. Follow steps 5-10 from above
  1. Take the Long Island Rail Road Montauk Branch line to Bay Shore. You can check the train schedule online by visiting the MTA website at http://lirr42.mta.info.
  2. When you get off the train at Bay Shore, walk south to get to the Fire Island Ferries located at 99 Maple Ave and take the ferry that goes to Kismet. You can check the ferry schedule by visiting their website at http://www.fireislandferries.com or by calling them at 631 665-3600.
  3. When you land on Fire Island, proceed to walk south until you get to the ocean beach.
  4. Turn right to walk west, and you will be at Lighthouse Beach East in a few minutes.
 
  1. Take the Suffolk County S40 bus to get to Montauk Highway (route 27a) in Bay Shore. You can check the bus schedule at http://www.sct-bus.org/links/schedules/s40.pdf.
  2. When you get off the bus, walk south to get to the Fire Island Ferries located at 99 Maple Ave and take the ferry that goes to Kismet. You can check the ferry schedule by either visiting their website at http://www.fireislandferries.com or calling them at 631 665-3600.  
  3. When you land on Fire Island, proceed to walk south until you get to the ocean beach.
  4. Turn right to walk west, and you will be in Lighthouse Beach East in a few minutes.
  1. Have the pilot slow the aircraft down to under 200 mph and keep the altitude under 10,000 feet, that way you won’t land on the beach frozen stiff.
  2. When parachuting naked, do make sure you land between the clothing optional signs that are posted by the park service. You don’t want to get a ticket for being naked in a clothing required zone.
  3. Also, guide your parachute carefully so that you don’t land in the environmentally sensitive area. If you land in a nesting area of piping plovers, you run the risk of having them peck at you for the rest of the day.
  1. Orbit the earth a few times to slow your rocketship down to cruising speed. You want to enter the earth's atmosphere gradually so you don’t sizzle to a crisp before arriving on the beach.
  2. Look out your spacecraft window to make sure you are over North America. When you pass over Colorado, contact NASA at Houston and let them know you are heading to Lighthouse Beach. That way, you won’t be reported as an alien, plus you won’t have the Air Force fighter jets on your ass.
  3. Watch your speed. If you go too fast over the speed of sound you'll create a sonic boom, which will make a lot of noise and attract the attention of the cops, and you’ll end up getting a speeding ticket when you land.
  4. Guide your rocketship down gently in Field 5 in a non-handicapped spot (unless your ship has a handicapped sticker), but before you exit your spacecraft, make sure you are wearing some type of bathing suit.
  5. After paying the appropriate parking fee for a rocketship, walk straight ahead to the beach
  6. When you reach the water's edge, walk east and in a few minutes you’ll be in the galaxy of naturism.

By car via the Long Island Expressway:

By car via the Northern State Parkway:

By car via the Southern State Parkway:

BY TRAIN

BY BUS

BY PARACHUTE

BY ROCKETSHIP

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